The Right Number of Underwear

What's the right number of underwear?

A lot of minimalist conversations center around what the right number of something is. How few objects should you own to consider yourself a minimalist? What is the right number of shoes, forks, or toilet paper rolls? Is 1,000 the right number? 100? 33? The opinions vary greatly and change depending on the item in consideration, the question that plagues my mind and keeps me up at night is -- what is the right amount of underwear?

This is a surprisingly important question for my everyday life for several reasons. First of all, I hate having "too much" underwear. I don't like having cute little undies too uncomfortable to actually wear or unloved homely briefs staring at me from the back of the drawer every morning.  Extra, unworn underwear causes me guilt.

Underwear are important! Depending upon the weather, you might go without socks and instead opt for flip-flops. A dress isn't functional in every situation. A sweater might be optional depending upon the time of year and while a good tank top can get year-round use, it doesn't go under every type of top. A well-fitting comfy pair of underoos, however, are essential every day of the week.

To me, they are the essence of functional clothing. If they aren't being worn regularly, they are completely useless objects. They are just scraps of cloth united by elastic, sad and useless unless fulfilling their function. A waste of money and a waste of space.

By the same token, having too few pairs of underwear also causes me a personal dilemma. I MUST have a clean pair on hand when getting dressed in the morning or I will be calling into work sick and doing laundry. Going commando just is NOT a viable option in my opinion.

Because of this personal rule on mandatory undergarments, I learned early in my adult-ing years that the day I pulled the last pair of clean undies from the drawer was also laundry day. I will cancel evening plans to stay in and stand at attention next to that favorite of household conveniences, the washing machine, if necessary. Laundry will be done. No exceptions and no procrastination.

As a result of this habit, I have built my wardrobe around my undies. If I have 5 pairs of underwear, I will do laundry every 5 days.

Now the important math. This laundry cycle means that I require 3 pairs of pants, a skirt and 5 tops in my wardrobe to make it from laundry-day to laundry-day.

However, if I have 15 pairs of underwear (three times more than the example above), I will need three times the number of pants, skirts and corresponding tops to get me from one laundry-day to the next. It will not occur to me to attend to the laundry until that last pair of undies is pulled from the drawer. See how this math works?

As a result of this very complex laundry-psychology math, the right amount of everything in my wardrobe hinges on having the correct number of undies at any given time.

Now, that being explained, I would like to announce my perfect number of underwear. The amount that aligns perfectly with my astrological chart and pulls the feng shui of my wardrobe into perfect harmony with my ideal life. I would like to... but I can't.

I don't know the magic number. I've lived with as many as 30 pairs in my college (no time to do laundry) years and as few as 5 in the more recent past. I want to know the perfect number but can never quite hit the right balance. I'm still continually on the undergarment see-saw. However, I'm still hopeful that I might one day find that illusive "perfect" number.

On that day, perhaps I will also win the lottery, solve global climate change and have tea with J.K. Rowling. (All very unlikely, but boy, wouldn't that be great!)

What is your correct number of underwear? (Yes, I really want to know.)

Is there anything in your life that you are searching for the right number of?