What's the right number of underwear?
A lot of minimalist conversations center around what the right
number of something is. How few objects should you own to consider yourself a
minimalist? What is the right number of shoes, forks, or toilet paper rolls? Is
1,000 the right number? 100? 33? The opinions vary greatly and change depending
on the item in consideration, the question that plagues my mind and keeps me up
at night is -- what is the right amount of underwear?
This is a surprisingly important question for my everyday life
for several reasons. First of all, I hate having "too much"
underwear. I don't like having cute little undies too uncomfortable to actually
wear or unloved homely briefs staring at me from the back of the drawer every
morning. Extra, unworn underwear causes
me guilt.
Underwear are important! Depending upon the weather, you might go
without socks and instead opt for flip-flops. A dress isn't functional in every
situation. A sweater might be optional depending upon the time of year and
while a good tank top can get year-round use, it doesn't go under every type of
top. A well-fitting comfy pair of underoos, however, are essential every day of
the week.
To me, they are the essence of functional clothing. If they
aren't being worn regularly, they are completely useless objects. They are just
scraps of cloth united by elastic, sad and useless unless fulfilling their
function. A waste of money and a waste of space.
By the same token, having too few pairs of underwear also causes
me a personal dilemma. I MUST have a clean pair on hand when getting dressed in
the morning or I will be calling into work sick and doing laundry. Going commando
just is NOT a viable option in my opinion.
Because of this personal rule on mandatory undergarments, I
learned early in my adult-ing years that the day I pulled the last pair of
clean undies from the drawer was also laundry day. I will cancel evening plans
to stay in and stand at attention next to that favorite of household
conveniences, the washing machine, if necessary. Laundry will be done. No
exceptions and no procrastination.
As a result of this habit, I have built my wardrobe around my
undies. If I have 5 pairs of underwear, I will do laundry every 5 days.
Now the important math. This laundry cycle means that I require 3
pairs of pants, a skirt and 5 tops in my wardrobe to make it from laundry-day
to laundry-day.
However, if I have 15 pairs of underwear (three times more than
the example above), I will need three times the number of pants, skirts and
corresponding tops to get me from one laundry-day to the next. It will not
occur to me to attend to the laundry until that last pair of undies is pulled
from the drawer. See how this math works?
As a result of this very complex laundry-psychology math, the
right amount of everything in my wardrobe hinges on having the correct number
of undies at any given time.
Now, that being explained, I would like to announce my perfect
number of underwear. The amount that aligns perfectly with my astrological
chart and pulls the feng shui of my wardrobe into perfect harmony with my ideal
life. I would like to... but I can't.
I don't know the magic number. I've lived with as many as 30
pairs in my college (no time to do laundry) years and as few as 5 in the more
recent past. I want to know the perfect number but can never quite hit the
right balance. I'm still continually on the undergarment see-saw. However, I'm
still hopeful that I might one day find that illusive "perfect"
number.
On that day, perhaps I will also win the lottery, solve global
climate change and have tea with J.K. Rowling. (All very unlikely, but boy,
wouldn't that be great!)
What is your correct number of underwear? (Yes, I really want to
know.)
Is there anything in your life that you are searching for the
right number of?